As many of you are well aware, I have struggled with anorexia, bulimia, BDD & BED for over 13 years now (over half of my life). I am a strong activist and supporter of NEDA, OA, ABA and eating disorder awareness, prevention and treatment. While I have now been purge free for just over a year (hooray for me!!), the illness I have suffered and the choices I have made affect my everyday health and will continue to effect my health in the long term. When you're in the disease, there are a lot of symptoms and consequences that you become oblivious to or block out completely due to the dysmorphia and denial. From hair loss to odd hair growth; to kidney/liver/pancreatic/cardiac malfunction, abnormality and infection; to hypokalemia; to esophageal deterioration and distress; to bladder incapacity; to constipation; to hypothalamic dysfunction; to low blood pressure; to acid reflux; to osteopenia; to memory loss; to secondary amenorrhoea and menorrhagia; to muscle atrophy; to sleep and conscious apnea; to pigment loss; to severe chronic and acute dehydration - I've had to suffer through and see it all and still, sadly, have to continue to struggle with almost all of these things probably for the rest of my life. Some things have gotten better. Fortunately, I'm still alive and I still have all of my teeth in tact and in pretty tip top shape (most ED afflicted aren't as lucky). Those are many of the physical ailments I have endured. I haven't even touched the psychological and social aspects (drug addiction, isolation, suicidal ambition - all of which I have successfully conquered). I still, however, deal with depression, anxiety, "ED Head", etc.
I wish I could go back to "middle school Megan" and tell/show her the future shitstorm that would ensue. I would show her even the dumb little things that NO ONE would ever consider. I would show her that because of my actions, days like today, it takes me HOURS just to warm up after only standing outside for five minutes. How dumb does that sound? Would ANYONE ever think of such things being a future consequence to their choices? There should be fine print for eating disorders and it should have come to me all those years ago.
Until next time, kittens...
#stayclassy
#flithyneversleeps
#meow
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